I said wanted to watch The Biggest Loser, but this isn’t what I had in mind.  So, here it goes.  (btw… I blame Toni for putting me through the misery of watching this debate.)

9:06p: Yes, Mr. Trial Lawyer, give me a lesson on trust and integrity.  Tell us again what the dead baby said to you.

Coming up next, Senator Clinton will lecture us on the importance of reporting rape and sexual harassment.

9:09p: Clinton: “a trillion dollar tax increase on the elderly.”  Apparently, Democrats can just make pronouncements without anyone questioning them. 

9:15p: Senator Chris Dodd learned from the 2002 Iraq vote that votes mean something!  OMGWTFBBQ!?!?!  Great strategy, Senator.  Tell the people you’re too stupid to be president.

9:16p: Senator Obama talks about offering Iran “carrots.”  This reminds me of a quote from former UN Ambassador (and ACU board member!) John Bolton’s new book.  The Democrats’ strategy with Iran: Speak softly and carry a big carrot.

9:21p: Oh yeah, Bill Richardson is still in the race.  Speaking of carrots, I wish I had Richardson’s tan.

9:23p: Everyone keeps claiming they “are the only one” to do such and such.  Way to lead!  Didn’t they criticize the President for “going alone”?

9:24p: Russert: “Will you pledge that Iran will not have a nuclear bomb while you are president?”  Come on, someone show some true Democratic leadership and admit they really don’t care!

9:26: Biden is the reason you NEVER compliment a Democrat.  It’s totally pointless.  No, Biden, the greatest threat to this country’s sovereignty is for one of the people on this stage to be elected president.

You know if I were one of these second and third tier guys, I would just be totally crazy and say “I GUARANTEE there will be no nuclear weapons in Iran.”  Who cares, you won’t have to live up to it.  I’d also pledge to bake fresh cookies every night and hand feed them to our nation’s poor and middle class before they go to bed.  No weapons, free cookies: LOTUS 2008!

9:31p: Funny thought — Kucinich going to the United Nations and talking tough.  Ha ha ha ha ha….

9:32p: Clinton says she supports the troop.  That faint noise in the background was everyone in the audience rolling their eyes in unison.  Too bad the troops don’t support her.

Here are some questions I’d like to ask:

Under what circumstances would you deploy troops to a foreign country?

For Edwards — How do you like the new Kiehl’s line?  Is it less greasy now?

Do you know that President Bush isn’t running in 2008?

For Kucinich — Is it true that media-types are keeping you around just so they can pan to your wife during the boring moments of the debate?

Why are you more qualified to spend my money than I am?

Would you rather be president or win a Nobel Peace Prize?  I’m sure we can arrange the prize, so feel free to think it over.

9:50p: GEEZ… Clinton brings up the Supreme Court handing President Bush the 2000 election.  Oh, I just thought of someone else who didn’t win the “popular” vote — her husband.  In two elections! 

9:53p: Gov. Richardson just complimented Senator Clinton.  Barf.  Richardson is going on and on about his resume again.  What has this guy not done?  Oh yeah, he hasn’t been a viable presidential candidate.  Zing!

9:57p: Edwards says no one on the stage is “pure.”  He just totally butchered the founders’ intent.  He said the founders decided in Philadelphia that the power shouldn’t be held in the rich, but in the people.  No, a-hole, the power shouldn’t reside with the federal government (i.e. you and everyone else on the stage).

10:00p: Biden: “Giuliani is the most underqualified person to seek the presidency since George W. Bush.”  “I’m looking forward to running against Rudy Giuliani.”  “Maybe I’ve been around too long and they’ve forgotten all the wonderful things I’ve done.”  Wow, settle down, Joe.  See above re: viable candidates.

10:07p: Obama brings up Giuliani again.  I guess they’ve already decided who the nominee is going to be.

10:09p: Now Clinton says there’s a trillion dollar tax on the middle class.

(Cupcake Break)

10:16p: Gotta love Brian Williams’ unbiased questions: Are the families in Iowa and New Hampshire doomed?

Biden says people are betting on things getting worse.  Yeah, they’ve been watching the MSM’s annointment of Hillary Clinton.

Edwards says his Justice Department will investigate oil companies.  Yes, that sounds like a appropriate job for the Justice Department. 

Kucinich reminds us that the war in Iraq was for oil during a discussion on why America doesn’t have enough oil.  Now he suggests impeachment because of their energy policies.   Another sound pronouncement from a 5th tier candidate.

(btw, maybe I’m just a dumb Southerner, but what is this home heating oil they’re talking about?)

10:24p Edwards links government incompetence to what happened to New Orleans after Hurrican Katrina.  Yes!  Last week Louisiana agreed and elected Republican Bobby Jindal. 

The Lightening Round is more boring, if that’s even possible.  I’m hanging it up for the night.  I’m guessing that Russert’s final question will be able about the Buffalo Bills.  Final thought: Politics aside, the most recent Republican debate was a lot more entertaining.

Cleveland
Chicago
Indianapolis
NY Giants
Tennessee
Philadelphia
Pittsburgh
Buffalo
San Diego
Tampa Bay
New Orleans
New England
Green Bay

This week’s cute football player is San Diego Chargers’ Igor Olshansky.  I’m giving San Diego and Halloween a shout-out.  Could he be more perfect?

Check out today’s crossword in The Washington Post.  Click on the image for a larger view.

(I apologize for my unsteady MS Paint skills.)

I feel like it starts earlier and earlier every year!  I mean, burqas in the stores in March?!?!?

All kidding aside, here’s some advice to all of you libtards on these college campuses: Don’t even think of trying to disrupt these important events.  My BFF and SAS-trained bodyguard will not be amused.

UPDATE 10-22-07: Here are some thoughts from AOTUS, my exclusive debate mole!

McCain won the weekend. He is the toast of the town. Since I don’t like any of the top tier candidates, I think I’ll put myself behind him for having the most character.

Could you hear the Ron Paul boos on TV? So tacky. We got lectured beforehand on appropriate reactions, and were specifically told not to do that. Notice us Paul-ers never booed y’all when talking about who could nuke Iran 1st.

And the Citgo commercial wtf?

8:31 p.m. Shout out from Tancredo!  Thanks, paisan!

8:40 p.m. There’s nothing more comforting than the warm, orange glow of Florida Governor Charlie Crist.

8:42 p.m. Giuliani seems to really understand the issue of school choice as an important civil rights issue.  Perhaps this will be the “choice” issue to win over the social conservatives. 

8:46 p.m. Chris Wallance reminds the Republican candidates that all of them are losing to Senator Clinton in the polls.  After Giuliani’s great answer on school choice, that’s a real downer.

8:48 p.m. I’m so glad they’re expanding beyond the national security questions. 

8:50 p.m. Giuliani to Clinton: “American can’t afford you!”  Awww… Giuliani blows a kiss to my home state of Florida for their help in the 2000 election.

8:51 p.m. McCain: “I would much rather lose an election than lose a war.”  Jokes that he wasn’t at Woodstock “because I was tied up at the time.”  Standing O. 

8:54 p.m. See Huckabee Be Serious: “There’s nothing funny about Hillary being president.”

8:55 p.m. Question for Fred Thompson.  I literally forgot that he was even there.  It looks like he’s reading from a speech.

9:04 p.m. Apparently, Romney was at the Olympics and reformed their Medicare coverage or something.  Republicans are AWFUL on talking about the entitlements issues.  Americans aren’t scared of principled answers.  It’s ok to admit that benefits and programs should be cut because it’s not the federal government’s job to provide them cradle to grave.  (PS — I’m not a Paultard!)

9:10 p.m.  I think Reps. Duncan Hunter and Tom Tancredo stopped dying their hair.  I don’t remember them being so gray.  Hot.

Oooooh… here come’s the lightening and wild card round!  No whammy! No whammy!

9:17 p.m. Uh, this doesn’t seem to be the lightening round just yet.  For a couple minutes, white chicken chili rather than white men will have my attention.

9:27 p.m. I wonder how far Rep. Ron Paul could get if he stopped talking about foreign policy and the U.S. “prancing around the world.”  He’s the crazy old man yelling at the clouds.

9:30 p.m. Finally, Fred Thompson reminds everyone of his creepiness.  He says the most important reason that he’s not lazy is that he has two kids under 4-years-old.

Speaking of creepy… here comes Frank Luntz!  His focus group sure has Hillary’s number.  They all scored the Republican candidates the highest when they attacked Hillary.

Alright, so who was the winner?  The focus group doesn’t have a consensus, but seem to lean toward Giulani.  I think I agree.  I noticed that whenever he spoke, I stopped what I was doing to listen. 

LOTUS remains undecided on the next POTUS.  I really think that we have a good crop of candidates.  Granted they aren’t all rising to the top, but there’s certainly someone for everyone.

Washington
New Orleans
Buffalo
Dallas
New England
NY Giants
Tampa Bay
Houston
Oakland
Cincinnati
Philadelphia
Seattle
Pittsburgh
Indianapolis

This week’s cute football player is Tampa Bay’s Ronde Barber.  Bonus:  He’s a conservative and there’s another one just like him!

Grab  a Bloody Mary (or whatever*) and play the Lauer-Craig Drinking Game on Tuesday morning.   Tomorrow on the Today Show Matt Lauer will interview Senator Larry Craig, presumably about his recent legal troubles, but who knows maybe it’s about the 2008 election.  

Drinking Game Rules

1 Drink if Matt Lauer smiles or smirks while talking about the wide stance

1 Drink if you smile or smirk listening to them discuss the wide stance

1 Drink if Sen. Craig’s wife cries

5 Drinks if Sen. Craig cries

3 Drinks each time he refuses to answer a question because his lawyers advised him not to

1 Drink if he holds his wife’s hand

5 Drinks if he holds Matt Lauer’s hand

2 Drinks if he bashes Mitt Romney

3 Drinks if Sen. Craig uses the word “fabulous”

10 Drinks if he comes out of the closet

*Drinks must be the Larry Craig Special – glass of vodka made with Idaho potatoes garnished with lots of fruits.

Special thanks to Dave for his fabulous rules for the game.

Following the outrage over Ann Coulter’s interview with CNBC’s Donny Deutsch, members of the media used it as an opportunity to tell the American people that they should be offended by her restatement of Christian doctrine and the New Testament.

Given that there are billions of people of all denominations who believe their religion to be the path to salvation, it’s not much of a stretch for those religions to cite their virtues over those of other religions.

Coulter said, “That is what Christians consider themselves, perfected Jews.” Let’s apply the media’s hysteria about “perfected Jews” to another religious tenet. The following is a satirical illustration of the use of the term “God’s chosen people.” None of the quotes are made up, but perhaps they give a more honest view of how “progressives” feel about Judaism.

Click here to read the rest of my column this week.

Predicted winners for week 6:

Cincinnati
Jacksonville
Cleveland
Chicago
Philadelphia
Baltimore
Tampa Bay
Washington
Arizona
New England
San Diego
Seattle
NY Giants

The cute football player of the week is FSU alum Brad Johnson of the Vikings Bucs Vikings Cowboys.  He’s jumped around a bit since leading the Tampa Bay Bucaneers to the Super Bowl, but I’ll be fan no matter what jersey he’s wearing.

In this month’s GQ, “Anonymous” writes that Republicans “are the best party in bed.”  Sure, the reasons are a little over the top (example: “No conscience!”), but that doesn’t make her overall point any less true. 

Hmm… I hope MOTUS (Mom of the United States) doesn’t read the LOTUS blog.