WASHINGTON D.C. – Your eyes and ears on the ground returns to the nation’s capitol for a check-in of the College Republican National Convention.

Buddha remembers his first CRNC; it was 1993 or 1994. Bill Spadea ran unopposed, and Tony Zagotta was still tearing up the town.

What Buddha remembers about that 93-94 event was that the CRNC appeared to be an excuse for a bunch of frat boys to play playground politics with one another and celebrate running the winning campaign – unopposed, or course – with kegstands.

Ah, the 90s. [LOTUS: This year’s president was also unopposed.]

Happy to see so many young GOPers in the house. Your Buddha wishes that he could stick around to see what kind of stuff RNC Chairman Mike “Balls of” Steele says to get you guys pumped up for 2012, when you’ll actually be old enough to vote.

“Yo, yo, yo, what up my homeys! Can you dig it? My homey John Boehner came to bring the pain, hardcore to your brain! What! Y’heard? Step up to get your rep up, youngsters: you are the future!”

[LOTUS: Actually, this sounds more like Buddha introducing his next set at the Red and Black.]

In all seriousness, maybe the big guy will find his most receptive audience to date.

Great to see so many great groups represented here: CPAC, NRA, YCC, ISI, YAF, Eagle Forum… conservative groups.

N.B. CRNC: It’s conservatives who support your causes and pay to co-sponsor your events.

Did Republicans for Choice send a rep? [LOTUS: Yes, Michael Steele]

Is the Main Street Republican Partnership Here? [LOTUS: Yes, Michael Steele]

And where are the social groups?

Family Research Council and Concerned Women for America: where are you? [LOTUS: In the kitchen, where they belong. Just kidding, I love those chicks.]

You’re missing the fun. Their outfits are great. Unironic plaid pants, fer cryin’ out loud. You have got to check this out! [LOTUS: Buddha prefers for every item he wears to be ironic, i.e. Stop Global Warming arm bands, argyle sweaters, 2000 Olympics polo shirts, Prada eyewear, other people’s dirty socks.]

And kids, only treat yourself to a keg stand if you actually beat your opponent.

No opponent, no drinky-drink.

A high school valedictorian asked FARK readers to help him write his graduation speech, sort of like the famous “Wear Sunscreen” column.  By the way, it’s usually falsely attributed to Kurt Vonnegut.  I imagine that the original author, Mary Schmich, can’t be too upset given that many writers would love to be compared to Vonnegut.

Anyway, submit your pearls of wisdom or vote on the best.  Here are some of my favorite submissions:

You will end up regretting what you didn’t do more then all the stupid things that you do end up doing. So kiss the girl/guy and stay for the last dance.

Don’t cook bacon naked.

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

When you’re struggling to grab the brass ring in life, be aware that you might be already holding a gold one in your other hand.

Go out, make millions, and never forget your good buddy the valedictorian.